the blooming diaries. volume 1. | learning to nourish my body, soul, and mind

*trigger warning: i do discuss eating disorders and mental illness a bit in this post

hello, friends! i hope you’re all doing well on this gorgeous spring day ❤ i’m not sure if any of you remember, but a while ago, i started something called the blooming project. shockingly, that little project has morphed into a mindset for me. everyday, i try to focus on blooming. and it’s been very therapeutic. i’ve learned so much about myself in the last few months, and i’ve become more and more like the person i want to become. 

because blooming is a continual process, though, i figured i’d start a new blog series about my blooming journey. i’ll be keeping you all updated on the little changes i’m making in my life. i hope this is a bit of an inspiration for you to start your own blooming journey (:

the last month or so, i’ve been making various decisions that have been changing, and improving, my lifestyle. some are small, such as attempting to lower my screen time (recently i’ve been failing at this, but it’s okay. there’s always tomorrow to try again). others are fairly significant, such as cutting out some of my friends who have been toxic for my faith. and some have been incredibly difficult, such as finally choosing to try to recover from my eating disorder (it’s still in the early stages, so i’m hoping my “diy recovery” will work). 

i’ve been attempting to be more gentle with myself, and have been paying attention to what my body and mind are telling me. i chose to not go to sleepaway camp this year, due to my mental health. i chose to be okay with sleeping in later, because of how bad my insomnia has gotten. i’ve unsubscribed to youtubers who i don’t want in my mind. i’ve made the decision to get a puppy, and to train it to eventually be my phyciatric service dog (currently the puppy is unborn :p but i’ll keep you all updated on it once it’s born). i’ve made the choice to take a test next year, that if i pass, would allow me to graduate high school at 16, and move on to other things i’m passionate about. i’ve been writing more of my novel (we’re at 22k words!). i’ve been doing more art, because i’ve found it to be therapeutic. 

something i’ve been reminding myself of lately, is that a caterpillar does not become a butterfly overnight. similarly, i’m not going to achieve my dream self overnight. it’s a continual process. despite what tiktok may lead you to believe, it’s not an overnight process to become “that girl”. also being “that girl” just isn’t the end goal for me. being someone who is gentle and loves the lord and takes care of herself is my end goal. 

a question that i’m working on asking myself daily is the question of “what today can i do to nourish my body? what can i do to nourish my soul? what can i do to nourish my mind?” ways i nourish my body are eating enough food (ie: not denying my body what it needs), doing skincare, and doing gentle workouts that don’t push my body too far. ways i nourish my soul are doing bible time, listening to worship music, and spending time with the lord. and ways i nourish my mind are doing art, watching studio ghibli films (ryan elizabeth and mya got me into them), and other forms of self care.

overall, i’m far from perfect. my self care methods are far from perfect. but i’m learning. i’m learning to become more like the person i want to be. 13 year old rue would admire me. 11 year old rue would admire me. and i just know that 70 year old rue is proud of me.

how have you been blooming lately? how are you all genuinely doing? let me know in the comments ❤

/ ad gloriam dei /

How To Bloom Where You’re Planted | Musings About Self Improvement & Finding Contentment In Imperfection

Hello, dears! I hope you’re all doing well on this wonderful Saturday. It’s the day before Easter, and I can’t help but smile. I’m listening to a lovely worship playlist, and I’m feeling better then I have in a few days. I had a really horrific autistic meltdown a few days ago, and it’s taken me a while to recover from it, but I think I’m finally mostly over it. How are you all doing? Let me know in the comments below ❤

I’ve been seeing quite a few blog posts and YouTube videos about improving your life, and those definitely inspired this blog post. However, I’m going to be doing a different sort of spin on those posts. Instead of telling you a bunch of (unachievable) ways to change your life, I’m going to be giving you a list of ways to gently enjoy life this Spring. 

10 Ways To Make Life Just A Little More Wonderful This Spring

(Please note that you do not need to do any of these to achieve a fulfilling life. Life is what you make of it, and I understand that these ideas may not work for everyone. I’m just giving the things that have made life a little bit better)

  1. Look for blessings in everything

Life can be pretty rotten, can’t it? And sometimes it can drag us down so much that we just feel like we’re drowning and there’s no way to find joy in anything. Trust me, I get it. I’ve been going through a particularly difficult depressive patch recently. And yet, despite that, there’s still little pinpricks of light. You just have to look for them. Did you know that in prison, Paul found excuses to sing? And dance? And be joyful? You too can find joy, no matter your circumstances. Maybe you’ll have to look a little harder, but there is joy. I can promise you that. Something I’d recommend is writing down the days blessings at the end of the day. It really changes your perspective ❤

  1. Do some gentle stretching/yoga outside

Look out your window. It’s so incredibly gorgeous outside. Doesn’t putting a blanket on the ground in your backyard, and doing some gentle stretching/yoga sound just lovely? Need I say more? You can get in a workout, while enjoying that crisp Spring air. Just a few friendly reminders, be sure to put on sunscreen beforehand, and don’t push yourself too hard. Your body is a temple to God, and as important moving it is, pushing it too hard isn’t what the Lord wants for you. Take care of yourself, and pay attention to your boundaries, okay? 

  1. Plant a garden

Ahh I’ve been slowly preparing a garden the last few weeks, and it has been such a therapeutic experience. You see, my dad built a garden a few years ago. Then he let it get overgrown. And now I’m uprooting the weeds and taking over the garden hehe. I…I highly recommend starting a garden. Even if you’re living in a tiny apartment, you can start one. Just use some yogurt cups as pots, and plant some indoor plants. See? Simple and thrifty.

  1. Spend time in God’s word, soaking it up and hiding it in your heart

I have to admit, I’ve been struggling to motivate myself to read His word lately. But that’s beside the point. One thing I’ve noticed is that when I spend time in God’s word, I feel energized and joyful. There’s something so incredible and refreshing about reading the bible. I promise you, it’s not a waste of time. My moments spent reading my bible are moments well spent, and moments that I adore. They’re some of the best moments of my day (:

  1. Listen to more worship music, and listen to less secular music

Let’s be honest. How does secular music make you feel? Probably, if you’re like me, angsty and angry. And somehow that feeling feels good. There’s a sort of high that comes with Olivia Rodrigo music. But…is it healthy? It’s not. The bible tells us to think on what’s true, right, and lovely. Does most secular music help you to think on that? I know how difficult detoxing from secular music can be, but I also know how rewarding it can be. Christian music isn’t always the easiest choice, but I’ve found that it’s the music that leaves me feeling the most uplifted and edified. 

  1. Read some lovely books

Jane Austen novels make me feel british and feminine. Enough said XD. Okay but in all seriousness, there are so many wonderful books that are perfect for Springtime, that will leave you feeling happy and almost like a pixie. Some books I would recommend include Little Women, by Louisa May Alcott; All Along You Were Blooming, by Morgan Harper Nicholes; The Main Street series, by Ann M Martin; and Stargirl, by Jerry Spinelli. 

  1. Try out a new creative hobby

Recently, I’ve been spending a lot of time doing watercolors, and friends, they’re so therapeutic. There’s something so satisfying about mixing water…and colors…and making a masterpiece. I’m still a beginner, and I mostly paint flowers, but it’s still so fun. Obviously, you don’t have to do watercolors. Maybe try knitting, sewing, drawing, poetry, writing, making flower crowns, bullet journaling, or blogging. Any of these hobbies will be exceedingly rewarding and fun. (:

  1. Romantisize every aspect of your life

I see so much stuff everyday about how to romantisize your life, and I know it seems so cheesy, but it actually works. A week ago, I sat in my backyard, listening to a Jane Austen soundtrack, and reading an Anne Of Green Gables novel. I felt like a magical cottage fairy, and it was so incredible. But that’s off topic. What I mean by romantisizing your life, is listening to lilting harp music when doing school, putting self care first, and finding ways to make life more then just existing. Maybe I’ll do a blog post about this soon. We’ll see.

  1. Go thrifting 

I love thrifting so much. Lately, I’ve been thrifting through ThredUp. It’s affordable, high quality, and sustainable. I’ve found so many cute vintage finds through ThredUp, and I’m always so satisfied with my purchases. 

  1. Find contentment in where God has planted you, and dare to bloom there

Lately, something I’ve been having a hard time with finding contentment. I keep telling myself that “once I buy this skirt” “once I buy these pens” “once I do this” then I’ll finally be happy. And every single time, I’m left disappointed. Because these things can’t satisfy me. They just leave me longing for more. And I just find myself more and more discontent. I want to live somewhere more vintage and Cottagecore. I want a boyfriend. I want to be prettier. And quite frankly, this isn’t healthy. And it’s certainly not what God wants for me. He placed me here, with a purpose and a plan for why I’m here. And something I’ve been learning, is that He’s all that can satisfy me. The world can’t satisfy. It says it can. But it can’t. Only Jesus can satisfy. Because of Him, I’m slowly learning how to bloom where I’m planted. He put me here for a reason. And I’m willing to embrace that reason.

I hope you all have a wonderful day after reading this post! *Hugs* What are some of your prayer requests? Let me know in the comments below (:

/ Ad Gloriam Dei /

it’s world autism acceptence day | 7 things i wish allistics understood about autism

hello, friends! i hope you’re all having a wonderful day (: so, as many of you are aware, it’s autism acceptence day (technically it’s autism awarness day, but, to quote chloe hayden in this video, “autism isn’t something we need awarness about. we already have awarness about it. it’s something we need acceptence about.”) yes i know that’s a paraphrasing of her original quote. i had actually forgotten today was autism acceptence day until q’zion posted something about it. and, as an autistic person, i thought i would share my thoughts on this day. hopefully throughout this entire month (april is autism acceptence month), i’ll be able to get around to posting various articles about autism. 

i know you guys almost never see me fired up and angry, but uh…i’m exeedingly passionate about autism…so, apologies for if i seem,,, annoyed or something.

as a quick note before we begin, i am only one autistic person. take what i am saying with a grain of salt. every autistic person is different, and every autistic person has different perspectives on various things i’ll be talking about in this post. i’m only sharing my personal experience ❤

7 things i wish allistics understood about autism

*allistic means a person who is not autistic. they can be neurodivergent, but they’re not autistic.

  1. autism’s not a disease.

oh. my. word. this is a huge pet peeve of mine. an example of this is how anti-vaxxers will say that they won’t vaccinate their children because their children could get autism, and yet they’re okay if their kids die from the disease that they should have been vaccinated against. i know people who think this way, and it makes me so mad. you’d rather have your kids die then get autism? i’m sorry, but that’s twisted.

  1. for heavens sake, stop using the puzzle piece

when people think of autism, they think of the puzzle piece. *muffled screaming* i don’t like the puzzle piece. at all. why? well, while i don’t think that it says autistic people are missing a piece of themselves (although, if you’re autistic and think it’s saying that, that’s completely valid. i just don’t really get that vibe from it <3), i do dislike it because of what it evokes in my mind. in my mind, it makes me think of autism speaks, and just…the whole “neurotypicals speaking for autistic people” culture. i’m not mad if you’ve used that symbol in the past, for the record. i myself, before i was diagnosed with autism, would use the puzzle piece proudly in support of my younger brother who is also autistic. i get it, ok. i do. but at the same time…if you can avoid using the puzzle piece, please do. use the infinity sign instead. that’s one that’s widely approved by the autism community.

  1. listen to autistic people’s voices

have you ever googled stuff about autism? i think most of us have. i know i have. and the thing is, most of the information that pops up is from neurotypical people who have only studied autism, and are essentially speaking for the autism community. i’ve found that these people tend to have a warped and cliche view of autism, and that it usually doesn’t fit what autism actually is. so please, when doing research about autism, try to pay more attention to autistic people’s voices, instead of allistic’s voices. chloe hayden is one of my favorite youtubers, and she’s autistic. i would highly recommend her if you’re wanting to learn more about autism.

  1. please don’t be a part of the “my child has autism. woe is me.” trope

just…no. using your autistic child as a way to elevate yourself and make yourself seem like a superhero is just wrong. it’s one thing to acnoledge the struggles of raising an autistic child. trust me, i get that it’s not easy. it’s a whole other thing to use it to get attention. 

  1. saying “you don’t seem autistic” is not a compliment

i’ve talked about this quite a few times on my blog, so i won’t elaborate more on this (check out this post for more information), but just…yeah. autism’s a spectrum you can’t “seem” autistic. i know you think it’s a compliment to tell someone they don’t seem autistic, but it’s not. trust me, as someone who gets told this all the time, i’m so sick of it. 

  1. autism’s not caused by vaccines

friends, science has already disproved this. multiple times. and still, anti vaxxers say that autism is caused by vaccines. it’s so absurd. also, even if autism was caused by vaccines (which, it isn’t), would that be a good reason to not vaccinate your child? would you rather they die, or get autism? see the fallacies in that argument?

  1. autism has a beautiful side

autism isn’t a hideous terrifying disease. it’s beautiful. because of my autism, i’m incredibly creative, i have so many things that bring me joy, and i’m unique. god made me autistic, and i honestly think that it brought him joy to make me autistic. he’s such a wonderful and creative god, so clearly, autism is just another thing that he’s using to show us how incredible he is. i think, at the end of the day, autism is just a different way of thinking, and in heaven, i’m going to be freed from the painful parts of autism, and will instead just have a special way of looking at the world. isn’t that lovely to think about?

thank you all so so much for reading this post! i hope you all enjoyed it, and have a wonderful day today. *hugs* don’t forget to click like, leave a comment, and subscribe. i hope you all learned something new about autism ❤

what did you learn about autism from this post? let me know in the comments (:

/ad gloriam dei/

Answering Your Questions About Autism, Part 1

Hello, dears!! Today’s blog post is one that I’m quite excited about. A while ago, I created a questionnaire, asking people about their perspectives on autism, and I got more responses then I expected (I got 44 responses!). I’ll be sharing the poll responses some time soon, but at the moment I’m just gonna answer the questions people asked on it. I’m only doing half of them this time though, due to there being too many questions. So yeah! I hope you guys enjoy (:

The Questions

I honestly don’t know that much about [autism], I do wonder, though, is it just something you’ve learned to deal with? I have a lot of things where I just have to deal with them, even when they’re hard. Is autism the same way? (Idk if that made sense, sorry XD)

Ooh okay, this is an interesting question. In a way, yes, I have learned how to live with my autism. I’ve accepted it as a part of my life, and I’m honestly proud to call myself an autistic. I’ve learned to deal with my sensory overloads and other difficult aspects of being on the spectrum (hint: noise canceling headphones are lifesavers and I love mine so much). So yeah, I guess in a way, I’ve learned how to deal with it. 

Do people with autism like to be treated differently because of the autism?

Okay, so. I can’t generalize this for every autistic, because obviously, I’m just me. So, I’m just giving my opinion on this. Please note that my opinion does not equal other autistic’s opinions. Ask each of us this question individually please (: Anywaysss back to the question. For me personally, yes and no. I like it when my friends are aware of my autism and check in with me during like sensory overload situations and stuff, and I like being the cute cinnamon roll friend hehe. But also, I do want to be treated as a typical person in most situations. Treating me like I have no brain or anything is rude and demeaning. I experience most normal 15 year old things, ok? Don’t treat me like I don’t.

What are some challenges caused by the way people react to or treat you? What should others know to avoid causing these scenarios?

Ooookay…this is gonna be a long answer. Some stuff I have experienced because of how people treat me includes people not being mindful of my triggers (that one’s not autism related though), being told that I ‘don’t seem like I have autism’, being told that vaccines cause autism and that autism should be cured, people using my being overly sensitive against me, and other stuff. To avoid causing this kind of stuff, pay attention to when someone tells you that you’re triggering them (triggers are valid and should be respected). Seriously, please don’t tell an autistic person that they don’t seem autistic. It’s not a compliment, ok? It’s both invalidating us and rewarding us for masking (which should never be rewarded). Even if you believe that vaccines cause autism and/or that autism is a disease that should be eradicated, don’t say that. It offends us and honestly it hurts. It’s basically like being told “You have a mental disease that was caused by getting vaccinated, and I think your disease should be cured”. It can make us feel like trash. And for heavens sake, don’t pick on an autistic person for their personality traits. I know I’m overly sensitive to being picked on, and I have a feeling other autistics are too. And honestly, just a good rule of thumb when dealing with autistic people (or even allistic people), is to just be nice to them, and to show them God’s love, and to respect them. That’s the best possible thing you can do (:

How is autism different in girls from in boys? (I know they’re *finally* doing more research into this)

Ahh I’m so excited that they’re finally doing research on this! Autism in girls has been an unspoken topic for so long, and I’m glad that that’s finally changing. So many autistic girls go undiagnosed, due to the fact that the diagnosing criteria for autism has been based on masculine autism traits. This is a huge issue in the medical community, because autistic boys are exceedingly different from autistic girls. Boys with autism tend to not know how to mask, seem ‘more autistic’, and have more cliche autism traits. Girls with autism typically learn how to mask from a very young age, therefore hiding more of their autism traits. There’s a bunch of stuff I could say on this topic, but for now, I’ll leave you with that.

I would love to know how people with autism feel about how it is portrayed in society. 

I can’t speak for every autistic person, but I know that a lot of us (including myself) feel that autism is greatly misrepresented in society. I mean, all the characters who are said to be autistic are just stereotypes of us. We are more than socially awkward 12 year old boys who hyperfixate on trains and are savants. A lot of autistic girls get told that we don’t seem autistic, due to masking. So I guess that gets rid of the socially awkward stereotype (even though I’m kinda socially awkward haha). There are autistic girls, not all autistics are boys. Our hyperfixations vary greatly, so uhh don’t assume that we love math or trains or medical stuff. And most autistics are not savants, so uh yeah there’s that. See what I mean? Autism is not represented in society well at all. If you want to find some good autism representation, please please please pay attention to own voices autism books and tv shows and movies. Ownvoices autism rep is almost always realistic and amazing (:

Is there anything that I might unknowingly say that could be considered hurtful to autistic people?

I’m so glad that someone cared to ask this question! I wish more people cared about this. Anyways. Some things you might unknowingly say that might hurt us includes, “You don’t seem/look/act autistic”, making fun of our hyperfixations/special interests, using the word ‘retarded’ casually, making jokes about the disability community, and making fun of our stims. All of these invalidate us in different ways, and make us feel awful. Just…don’t do these, okay? They’re just…not good. I might do a post later about why these are wrong.

Did God create autism or is it part of the fall? Will you have autism in heaven?

Oooh, this is a wonderful question (my mom actually asked this one, and I decided to include it because it was interesting). I don’t know a lot about theology and whether I’ll have autism in heaven, and all that, so I’m just gonna answer based on some personal theories. I think that at the end of the day, autism is just your brain working differently. So, I think God created the good parts of autism, and that I’ll probably have the good parts of autism in heaven. But I suspect that the more difficult aspects of autism are a result of the fall.

What’s one thing you wish your allistic friends knew about autism? 

Quite frankly, I wish that my allistic friends would just be patient with me on slow brain processing days (actually they’re all pretty good at this, but I thought I’d include that anyways). There are hard days where I can’t read tones and can’t form thoughts that make sense, and honestly having my friends help on these days is really good. I also wish that my online school allistic friends would use tone tags more often. For heavens sake, tones are hard enough in real life, they’re just worse online. Oh and one more thing (that’s not entirely autism related but who cares) would be using trigger warnings. I get triggered so easily, and it can be really difficult to have people who aren’t mindful of trigger warnings. So please, ask people what their personal triggers are and use trigger warnings when you can. I know that while trigger warnings don’t help everyone, they help me a lot.

Does talking about your autism/the fact that you’re autistic make you uncomfortable?

Yes, and no. I don’t see any shame in being autistic, and so I just sort of openly discuss it with people. But also people like to give really rude responses and honestly, it can make me wary to tell people I’m autistic. I feel like a lot of people don’t know what to do with the concept of autism, and so they just…ignore comments I make about my autism.

Well, I guess that’s kinda it for this post. Thank you all so much for reading! If you enjoyed this post, please don’t forget to click like, leave a comment, and follow me for similar content.

What are some questions you have about autism? 

Let me know in the comments! 

Introducing The Blooming Project

Ahhh this project is something I am super excited for. Basically ack how do I even begin to explain this? Okay so. This project was inspired by Morgan Harper Nicholes’s book, All Along You Were Blooming and it was also inspired by the whole toxic glow up culture. So often, I see girls pinning glow up stuff on pinterest. and a lot of it is very diet culture-y and ‘instant fixes’ and honestly it’s not very healthy. It’s harmful for your mental health, and quite frankly some of the ideas are straight up dangerous. But also, what else are you supposed to do? You want to improve your life and achieve a better healthier lifestyle. 

This is where the blooming project comes in.

Instead of focusing on a harsh glow up that will be hard to stick to and might even be dangerous, we’re focusing on a gentle ‘blooming’ that will slowly change your life and be a lot easier to stick to. It’s actually backed up by science (yay!!), so you know these methods work. The best part is, if you guys enjoy this challenge, I might try doing mini blooming challenges every couple of months.

Here’s how the blooming project is gonna work. For the next 2 months (I know, I know, that’s a long time…but that’s how long this project takes), you’re all gonna be following a customizable schedule that you put together for yourself, modeled after my personal schedule. I’ll even be doing this schedule alongside you all! 

Just a quick remember, don’t let this project affect your health in any way. Modify the schedule as needed, and don’t push yourself too hard. Your health is far more important *hugs*. Love you all ❤

How To Do The Blooming Project

  1. The first (and, in my opinion, most important step) is to pray before beginning this project. Find out what God wants for you, and keep Him at the center of this project. The goal is not to be the skinniest or prettiest or best. The goal is to learn how to live this incredible life that we have been given to the fullest. 
  2. Evaluate your life in these 5 categories: Spiritual (your relationship with God, how you’re doing religeon-wise), Mental (how your mental health is), Physical (how your body is), Intellectual (all academia related activities), and Lifestyle (how you live life). Rate yourself in each category, and make a list of how you can improve each category (basically make a glow up list…look up glow ups on Pinterest if you need some ideas).
  3. Set at least 3 overall goals for this project. They can be anything from ‘bake a cookie cake’ to ‘write a 50k word novel’. I know that my personal goals are gonna be to write a 60k word novel, get fully prepared to start my Etsy shop, read 2 classic novels, get in shape, and get more involved in Ydubs. Make sure your goals follow the SMART goals outline, or else the chance of you succeeding at them is…very slim (sorry to burst your bubble).
  4. Make a step by step outline for how to achieve those goals.
  5. Make a copy of this document, and put up to 3 assignments in each category, per week. You can see my personal plan for myself here.
  6. Now the fun part! Sitting back and enjoying the rest of this week, because when next week comes, you’re gonna start blooming, and your current lifestyle is gonna go away completely 😂 
  7. While you’re waiting, you can make a vision board for this project!

I hope that this has been a helpful guide! I can’t wait for you all to begin blooming alongside me *hugs*. You guys can do this, and I am so proud of you all for taking this big first step! Don’t forget to click like and follow me for similar content. ❤

What are some ways you’re hoping to bloom in the next two months? Are there any questions you have for me, on the topic of blooming? Let me know in the comments! (:

/ Ad Gloriam Dei /